For those of us who do some flying in economy, here is my list of whinges.

My first is calling economy ‘Economy’! Knowing, before I get on the flight, that I’m not a priority to anyone and it’s the cheapest seat, perhaps it’s psychological. Why don’t we call the classes something more friendly, e.g. ‘Purple’ or ‘Royal’ (first class) ‘Green’ or ‘Regal’ (business) and ‘Red’ class or ‘House’ (economy), as a few airlines (to be fair) have named their classes.

Arriving at an airport and having to pay for a luggage trolley, especially when you have no suitable currency, feels even more gutted, if you’ve bought a business class ticket.

Using the porter on arrival only to find he wants 1$ for each bag he has moved 400 yards; so you argue, because he didn’t make it clear, except for the print on his bright yellow industrial vest, in one inch high letters, stating it is 1$ for each piece of luggage.

Queuing to check in and getting hit on the chins by some nerd with 6 pieces of luggage and 4 kids.

The parents that let their kids sit on the baggage cart, sometimes on the upper rack.

Then there is check-in and the deadly weighing scales, no mercy, if you are flying low!

The “Sturmbannf├╝hrer” assistant who gets her kicks out of telling you your suitcases are overweight.

Going through security, there are very inconsistent rules in airports around the world, e.g. take your watch off, take your iPad out, remove your shoes, empty your pockets…

Getting on the flight and finding someone sitting in your seat – they knowingly sat there and want you to swap, so they can be with their partner.

Pressing your call bell early on in the flight and waiting for an hour to get attention… “I hope it wasn’t a heart attack, sir ?”

Immigration, 60 booths and 20 open, 1 hour and more of your life in a queue to get into a country, normally, whilst looking at a big sign saying “Welcome to Mumbai” or “Dubai”. I do 40 flights a year. Just imagine, if I also have to queue up to get out of the country, that would be the equivalent of 150 days of my working career. Best answer, go to smaller airports, as they normally are more efficient or GO BY TRAIN, if you can. You can try upgrading before you get on the flight where enlightened airlines do a good deal, but most, naturally, try and stuff you.

Sitting in the row in front of the fire escape door and having no ability to recline your seat whilst the orangutan in front of you reclines his along with his colossal weight and you end up with your iPad against your face or worst, still, removing meat off your chest.

Drunks, Americans and Indians are to be avoided as they are rather rude, loud or overly talkative. I’ll let you work that one out.

Economy normally means that either your ear phones, screen, table or seat recliner don’t work.

Always get on the plane as early as possible, especially on short hall Asian flights. If everyone brings their entitled hand luggage/duty free, there is never enough over head locker space.

I bank with HSBC who give petty returns on any funds they manage from my account and yet, nearly every air bridge (what you walk through to get on the plane) in the world is sponsored by HSBC; likely cost per large airport, 1 million USD, multiplied by how many airports? For what? So they can attract more customers who, once secured, get less than average service/interest.

Happy Flying.